Roger, and his offer

During the 1980's, Roger Kelly, a mentally challenged 32 year old began paying very close attention to the news. He was fascinated with any news about the AIDs epidemic. It fascinated him because he just didn't understand why it was happening. He felt horrible for all the men that were being ripped away from their loved ones too soon, and missing out on so many years they could be experiencing the world.

He couldn't understand why sex with a man would be worth taking the risk of dying at such a young age. He thought to himself while watching the news, which he began recording on VHS tapes for deep analysis, no matter how much I wanted to, no matter how much I loved someone, even if I could only fall in love with a man I would never have sex with one. Not now. It's just too risky. I wish there was some way for them to learn that, and then maybe they would wait, until the Aids virus goes away or at least slows down to take that risk.

He sat up thinking and then he got an idea.

There was a young homeless man named Steve who sometimes slept on the corner near the local grocery store. When Roger stopped to hand this young man a dollar he had confided in Roger that he had been kicked out of his parent's house for drug use with his boyfriend Alan. Roger knew what he should do. In the early morning one day Roger kelly stopped by the spot Steve frequently slept, He found Steve under the influence asleep on the ground. he checked for a pulse, shook him and when he did not stir he carried him back to his house.

When Steve awoke, he was very confused. At first he screamed and cried because he thought that Roger was going to hurt him. Roger explained his plans to Steve, and told him he knew how hard his life must be. He explained that he planned to only lock him down in his basement when he wasn't going to the store or to go panhandle for food money on the corner. Hee would even give him the money so he wouldn't have to that. There was only one condition, he had to stay in Roger's house unless he was going out to buy food or make money.

Steve kicked Roger hard in the nuts.

No, mothetfucker. That isn'y any kind of life. I don't need someone else tto tell me how to live my life. I am an adult. I can take risks if I want to. You only live once.

Roger looked at him stunned. Why would he chose that? He was offering safety and he had even offered to help him with money.

What would you have done?

Fast forward to 2020.

Roger has been replaced with your government. This is an analogy, albeit a weak one,

'Aids is covid 19.

Roger is the government. Same answer?

Dr. Anthony Fauci said Thursday that even an effective Covid-19 vaccine won't replace the need for other public health measures, such as wearing a mask, social distancing and washing hands.

I spent two weeks trapped in a mirror

The funny thing is, I didn't know I was,

I thought I was, looking into one.

i thought I was awake for two weeks straight on and off staring into a mirror.

See the funny thing is...

You know the phrase,

You are what you eat?

Well, I used to eat glass.

Why? Would someone decide to eat something that cuts your mouth?

I figured a way around that.

I used to consume it nasally.

It hurts less that way. '

and, when you eat glass

for a little while you consume ALL the light in the glass.

AND for a little while you feel like you are

a superhuman

moving at a higher speed

thinking clearer

and speaking in with a better thought methodology.

But, slowly your world begins to

F

R

A

C

T

ure

and pieces of you get lost.

Until, if you're like me

there is nothing left.

All the parts that made you who you are lay trapped

in glass,

Cut away by glass, and

It's very tricky business getting them back.

I was lucky,

I was pulled out, because I am very lucky,

I have someone who cared enough to yell

LOUD AS HELL

For two weeks.

So loud I climbed out,

after the confusing process

of putting my peices bac

k together.

You may not be so lucky,

Be careful. Glass is a dangerous business.

I'm sorry, Mary

I called you the other day

From across the country

And didn't realize I was calling you.

I thought I was calling the person sitting next to you,

But I wasn't. I was calling you.

It's funny.

I have started to notice,

That there is a story line to the universe,

Like we are in a show, and we all have roles to play.

Except we are not actors,

So maybe its like a game, not show.

That's why I must always have hated role-playing video games.

There's a best action, meaning

The action with the best results. I think my life was

Going poorly because of a deliberate refusal

To do that

Because I am arrogant and

Valued success and happiness less than control over my own life

So I would end up screaming at the sky

And always here the same thing

Amanda, why are you doing this? Just do the right thing.

But, I never would because the right thing was hard,

and I wanted keep doing the wrong thing and have it go right.

So, I would keep fighting, treading water and not moving,

Swimming in the same direction

going NOWHERE

screaming at the water

Because obviously its the water's fault

BEND TO MY WILL, DAMN IT.

When I asked,

Why does nothing go right in my life,

I was really asking Why can't things go

Exactly how I want them to.

Well, I think I figured out the answer,

I think it might be because

Their is a plan where at the end everything reaches the best outcome,

If everyone makes the best choice.

Or it reaches the closest possible thing because everyone isn't always going to do that.

So when I got a phone call,

From my mom's father's wife

I thought about how that's what I call her,

and how she married my grandfather knowing

He had kids,

And she never made it a point

to separate herself from them or their children.

So she must want to be a part of us.

And, I thought about how that would feel,

if I was her, and I was treated like I was trying to

replace my grandma.

She wasn't, she was just trying to be my grandfather's wife

and be her own little part of the alter

native family that was hers.

But we wouldn't let her have that, so she probably

first got sad and then got mad

just like I would do.

And, that makes me very sad. Like I am feeling what she felt.

So I talked to her, and let her know I know that

And she cried and thanked me.

How many people have I attacked when they wanted a hug?

I am going to try not to attack anymore.