I'm not playing anymore! Or playing Hide-and-Go Seek in College..

Someone has been playing hide and go seek with me

For years,

But the thing is I have told them I am not playing

Anymore,

Nor was I EVER.

They never find me, because I don't think

They

Want to...

They just lurk around corners,

Forever.

I have only seen them out of the very corner of my eye.

Except for once...

Once... after doing acid...

I made eye contact.

And, then woke up to being fully awake already

About to fall over, and

People told me I had been awake for days.

I don't know where I went,

Or what I did,

But I'll tell you what

I was RUNNING

and I knew it,

and IT knew it,

But it didn't find me.

Because I didn't shut my eyes.

Not for a FUCKING SECOND.

Meanwhile, in the desert

I drove through New Mexico once,

Drove through it and then lived through it.

And there is nothing that personifies New Mexico to me, more than this car,

Trapped in sand,

Glowing with power,

But unable to move because it is forever

Suspended

In immobility.

I have spent moments, and weeks, and months, like this car,

Wanting to be upright looking at the sky,

But instead staring into brown reflections.

Now all my rear view mirrors show blue skies.

The funny thing about imaginary friends

When I was a child, I used to have an imaginary friend. I called him Damien. He came in many forms, but sometimes he was a skeleton, an 8 foot tall skeleton. He was a skeleton because I needed him faster than it took for him to grow human skin, so he never grew it. He came to protect me before that, but because he was skinless he needed to be taller for protection.. children are silly.

We would walk together in the twilight, talking, about how I was lonely, and he would try to make me laugh, and sometimes it would work.

And now, I realize, this was all me talking to myself, not playing pretend.

Children are weird.